i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
