Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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