my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're like the curious george of whores
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
