I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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