talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
