I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
