in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
