The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
