my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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