i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
