It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize