North Korea, Best Korea!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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