Ketchup is God's man juice
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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