Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
