Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
