when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize