The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
