I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
