I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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