if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love you. Go after that dick
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
