Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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