Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
false alarm. still invincible.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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