she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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