She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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