there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
