Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
