Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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