I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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