My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
