Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
