She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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