My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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