Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
