How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
smell my finger.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize