that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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