I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
