i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
