she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
