You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
