If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize