he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do herpes really smell.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
