Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
