No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize