I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
