How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
