I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
