i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
