he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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