Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
