dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well you can't waste a boner
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
