haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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