I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
