we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize