Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
