literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
