I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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