you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize