tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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