She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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