from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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