Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
