If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
