Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
