I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize