I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
