Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
