My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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