So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
