Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
