Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
